Ace of Spades

SACKED AGAN

2008-05-04T17:15:00.000-07:00

.,holy fuzz button (clit-) got sasclked from Joesephine's after like eight weeks of shit goin wrel good. frnch place shoulda known they'd bew dicks. was busin a plata chartcuterei back and tooka abig bite outat asome pork chop and mgr jean pual givesm me the MERDE!!! an cuts my apron off with a a knife he grabsa from some prepo cook

man am i ever gonana be a CEO lookin' unlikelyt

fuckien salcked

2008-02-20T00:42:00.000-08:00

fucking vietname place gig was goni well smoked with the dudes out abakc durn breaks or wahtever frewe soup an gettin fat on noodle s

main dude Diet Guy (real name pronuced DEET GHEE( alway syellin at wife though an she's alawyas givin me the the ice eye scowel an i can tell that's hate whiteyspeak for GET LOST WHITEY

anwya was doin bang up job sculln and prep but today Die tguy puts a wadda cash in my chest pckoet an paacka smoke s which is my wif ehates you for GET LOST SORRY THOUGH

ben around this busioness long enuogh to get fired in every langauge)(^#
PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*&(*@#^$ (*^#$ #((*(*####

LIVIN SACK STYLE

2007-11-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

fn owner ofvewr a t Olivios gavce mne my walkiong papers last nighut since he saaw me eation offa a plate I was clearn. i was like the fucking guy left a fn sausage the size 'a my arm you seroiuslyi thinkl I aoin't gonna eat that DICKEHAD? and he sias I got the resrt of the night off an dnot to show up otmorrow. that ain't code alnaguage i am sacked like john fn holmes

dude was famous for his sakc

among other things

BAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

well thats a fick pissr

2007-09-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

fn manager at Corleone's gave me the saklc tonight cause I was eatin stuff off plates onn away back from busin the table. fn people shouldn't oredwe4r a staek if they'er not gonna finiash it. fudcking quaiil too an dpasta s lookin too good ot leanve alone like barely mot ven touched. fuckers and look how they live throw away food and go off in a fucking jaguruar, ill fucken eat it cause don't waastrew good shit like that on hte sculler anywaysa he'll eaet it an he nevaer getrs sacked assahoel

glases are rad

2007-08-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

nw glasses acdtauly fuck n alritht gotaskeds a qusation by soem chick toadya

shes' aall susse me sir can yoiu tell eme theh time

im' like ACE OF SPAEDES 1

fn she baceked off but whateaqvre thassa most headway i maidae w a chick inlike sixi yearas \

dpretty soone its like lyle will yo ohave my baby

no but good teo get some rewasapct

BAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH1!!!!!$5 6939%%%%%%% *((**(

got glases

2007-06-19T17:12:00.001-07:00

Man so fn in time for this fn wedding of beefs ai i hadda go and get some glases s and inm' gonna look like a ffuckling fjagfgffgt50987q2345

bettert not wear em

the good kinda glasses withi frames people can barely see cost like four hudhnred so i just went with thet plain sdbasics

i look like a afucking old cop

alright so whatev er

2007-03-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

nobodyas' jammin me on the shototin thing or whaever, no buggin so i'm outta lay in low

back to the grindf , pullin beans at this mexcan joint an doin some mronings at a garage doin tire shit. might needa get glasses fn costs like four hudnreewd bucks that shit gonna look like an idiot evwery second qbaotu alol of ti hs

wasd readin a book and it was blurry see

crap did i shoot the dude

2006-09-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

man fuckin a what they'er sayin' i shot the fucker i dn't just hit thim fuck i wasn't jst in a barfight just usual ai think shot a udde and i can't go askin arounsd causae what if no one lknows if was me

and I raoiase suspcion

its the worst sfeelin in theworld not to knwo if yuo shot a dude

dont' rememerb if I hit a guy

2006-08-18T00:29:00.000-07:00

don't know if i hit a guy or if i didn't hit em think i hit ijm works a d Spelco tire gotta thinkw heres the dude drink wheres the dudue gonan be gotat avoid him for a whwile almost a year

hwna fk'd that happne a WEEK?!

2006-06-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

dudes said i ws asleep for a fkn week. the rfuck/@! no shitto i was out fn around w/tod n shitters on weds jun 21 i rememebre. i hadda receipte for JD in my hand w/that date today when i wke up . fn teodor sayasits june 28?! whatna fuck happend for a fn week didn't nobody fn think to wake a guy up?!

i'm proily fired from whereever i was wrkn, nice fn treat to wake upto. good mronnign we fired your assa a week ago. LYLE. wt hte fuck dude u were pasd out for a week asshoel. a WEEK.

fn caved in

2006-05-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

watsa fuck sa guy like me doin with an ipod but shit man i bought one

aint' even got a fn computer prolby gonna trade it owt think I spent a hundo or so

whyna fuck'di buy an ipod

fn catchy commer cials stupdi shinny box

ey mahn hah pappies

2006-04-11T23:30:00.000-07:00

damn f'n todd got low got junkie julia down at our palce hadda get er out inna backyard before corny or ted ro onstads saw

fn todd dumbshit bring hta tshit around thefuck he'l hang around with anybody

hadda dumbwalk jla stupdi like six fn blocks over to th drop and get rid dont' want to get my assonthe street from that shit around stupid cockface todd. NO JUNKIEs asshoel

'sfer shit

2006-01-07T23:25:00.000-08:00

stood iinna night at Mulligans SPoorts pub up in rwc jus tline cook etc friend of mine

fuckin place is ofr shit got no system fucking kid runn aoround makin salad firin in no order total chaos everyone pissed of f

ran the joint up + go tcase of 'sfucking french chardonnday beats me gonna lay up w/todd fn bust on this sugar bitch juice for a aday see what happens

probaly we build a gazevbo with lace stairsbut fuck chardonaddy aint no wine gonna misuse me

sfuckin over

2005-12-22T03:29:00.000-08:00

viet cong fn mined the Hhhills drivin rang e Todsd outta coupla tires we aint' got no gig there no more f that

fn bird ataacekd my face today wtf hadda deal w a fn doctor upshot tho is he gave me a week vivarin i mean vicodin +1 fill cause I checked in unde rname of Carleton Lecreul a name I made uponna spot pretty good huh for onna spot

definitlye no dude w/a record every checked inw/ that name beofer

fn floatin' on V and champale of brs. just fn floatin and fn vie cong fight like a snake got to erespet that, was fn theier turf

golfball racket

2005-11-21T03:02:00.000-08:00

fuk so fukc we had a couple ogood woeek s gettin golf balsl

turns out hto ther's a syasmte a vietamese system they collect em every tueasday 3am you gotta fightem now thy got a vietnam dud ewatching the course at night a sentry

guess tey go on tuesdayas cause on mondya they steal recyclin outta peoples driveways and weds they're bus y maybe a ta job

might be thai hard to tell in 3am fights

fight like vietnamese tho

golf abals

2005-11-03T03:50:00.000-08:00

todd's van can fit 20 golf balsl in the back so we spent the nihgt with a flashlight scourin HHills for ranage balls and shiters brand nwe titlesetit duffers hitinto the crek

gonna sellm in old egg cartons 12 balls for $6 man we fn cam up with like 250 balls in 1 hr of searcin fat ass bank

also foudn tons of recyling aluminum cans down sisde of gully on 9th fairway
mfekrs unload payload before clubhosue so s not to look guilty

sfucking good wewekned

2005-10-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

played TURBO LOVEr abotu 100-200x and fn went out for batteries six tiemes pls jack and acokes from 7am on

Todd shot ths guy was fn with us

gta real bood weekend erorked out

2005-10-14T00:12:00.000-07:00

todd bisds ajck n cokes plus buincha d=cells for radio gonn play TURBO LOVER judas priest marathron or someting n yard star t7am or whatever gun it play sam song over and over

itwas the jellies

2005-10-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

yeah it was th hjellies makin my pis thi ck

stopped eatin em and rightawyaw piss got real normal despte nto drinkin much water

now new prollem tho 's my shitz are real small /green. fuckn hard to striek a balance around here i tell ya

gpt am n innle on the pisss

2005-09-28T00:26:00.000-07:00

piss was thick nto to do with water or whaterver drink n but w/ this fanc y imported french snack ite m I been leechin outta the kitchen last few mos

gelies or jellies r somethin they got pectin or omer some crap, makes liquidsthich

aka myh piss

solved maybe

piss been decent

2005-09-22T23:28:00.000-07:00

turns out i can take a day or 2 off from real regular on the wter still get good piss, separates into the watawer rela good and even. nxt time tho I get rope piss gonna try to psiss it on the ground see how it acts. does it do canned cranbery or jello thing etc. maybe not dink water for a few days see what hapens. .

begignnins of homemade piss science

b/w photo o fme in a suit w/hair combed flat

pissbeen good

2005-09-12T02:08:00.000-07:00

good stuff ben real clear and comin out real expected lik3e. blends inna water can't tell you how a relief simpleness of apiss just a miracle eatch timei i step inna the can at Romeo's or 7sails for a

sfuck new fucking drink

2005-08-26T23:47:00.000-07:00

sogotta lotta talent this one and gotta aname STOLEN ASS

i smynew dsrink

igreds
:
vodka about five secs pour from bottle at 45'degre res
gluga grand maniewr if you can steal a shot shit coast fucsini overprice
1 tsp tonic

drink that

piss's lookiong better

2005-08-13T04:20:00.000-07:00

smy fuckn piss got better, tooka lotta water in anit dissolved this hard piss i had inside me aparently or whateever and nw my piss mixsSSSES DAMMIT real nice w/regular toilet water.

alright gottaa go drnk some h20 can feel piss hardnenin' up

l8z fuckos

sufck's the matter with me

2005-07-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

manan i ogtta drink more water or somethign
took a piss this moring stuff fuking curlerd up like a yellow snake in bottom of toilet, din't sepoarate into water like usual
when i flushed it it uncurled j and shot down th43htoilet liike a snake
spooky prob more water is the answer.

right allbout pssd outta fn poems linin up new gig

2005-07-08T01:06:00.000-07:00

pissface fn CX said i gotta dump out one more poem make my units so here ya go then hand over the money O cause s here

but then im done and done is done w this fug scnee

alirght oem now

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -

HELICOPTER DELICOPTER
DROP THE LUNCHMEATS DOWN
HELICOPTER DELICOPTER
DROP THE MEAT LOAVES DOWN

DELICOPTER HELICOPTER
LOB AND TOSS THE CARGO
DROP IT F'IN STRAIGHT DOWN
TO THE HUEY BLADES BELOW

MEAT SPRAY MEAT SPRAY
MORTADELLA FOAM
HOT DAY HOT DAY HOT DAY
PASTRAMI COATS THE HOME

WHATCHA GOT WHATCHA GOT

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -

alright fn siad i didn't wanna do that and had to go but he held onnit and now you got to read that. percetly good meat sprays onto the home nevefr to be enjoyed and there you have it what happens when you rush a dude trying to lave

gottanother poe m foryalss

2005-06-13T00:11:00.000-07:00

alright i got an idea for another poem lately today when I was goin around

its kindof a pissed off thing from kids music from the radio like rebellin against kids that are rebellin way artlessly w/bad form

FOOLS ON PARADE
W/NO APOLOGIES TO "RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE'
BY LYLE G

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -

HEY YEAH MAN OH WAIT OH NOOOO MAN
NOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WHATCHA GOT WHATCHA GOT

[GUITAR SOLO MADE OUT OF BLACK & DECKER .5" DRILL BIT SPINNING ON GUITAR STRINGS IN KIND OF A BULLSHIT WAY WHERE THE KID THINKS HE'S GOT A BIG DEAL GOIN ON LIKE NO ONE EVER TRIED THAT BEFORE]

ALRIGHT FUCK YOU KIDS GIMME A BREAK
YOUR MUSIC IS A BIGGER JACKOFF THAN DONALD TRUMP'S THING
AT LEAST HE ADMITS HE WANTS TO LIVE IN AN 80S CASINO

PLEEEEP

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -

alright that's what I thinka the kids music market what they listento on the live 105 etc radio

pmsz

2005-06-02T05:41:00.000-07:00

aright mfonx heress nther poem 4ufux

ENGLISH PEOPLE ARE FUCKS (ALL DAY)
BY LYLE G

--------------------------------

ENGLISH MAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
GARBAGE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

LIMEY BROOOOOOOAAAAAAAD
EELS AN' COOOOOOOOOOOOOD

EAT A FUCKIN PASTRY PIE
AIN'T TOO SOON THAT YOU WOULD DIE

WHATCHA GOT
WHATCHA GOT

--------------------------------

this song willbe popular in the markets

nother poem

2005-05-31T09:27:00.000-07:00

Here's another poem kinda like a fifties thing bt also thinkof it as set to motorhed

ICE CREAM CORNER SHOP GIRL
BY LYLE G
-----------------------------------------

FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK SHADOOBIE

YEAH, FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK SHADOOBIE

FUCK YEAH
FUCK FUCK, FUCK FUCK SHADOOBIE

MY GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL

-----------------------------------------

That'sa pretty good poem you got to admit it

fn paid for poetry

2005-05-19T05:15:00.000-07:00

wsf chris saide'd gimme five bucks a month for some poems a ll just writen on the momment so i'm doin is i'm hearin motorhed but throwin in my own lines

check it u TRANNY FUX

YOUR DADDY HAD TO DIE
BY LYLE G

-----------------------------------------

YOUR DADDY HAD TO DIE
BECAUSE HE LIKED TO DRINK
FROM A BOTTLE

YOUR DADDY HAD TO DIE
BECAUSE HE LIKED TO FLY
IN A PLANE

YOUR DADDY HAD TO DIE
BECAUSE HE LIKED TO THINK
FULL THROTTLE

YOUR DADDY HAD TO DIE
BECAUSE HE LIKED TO TRY
CRACK COCAINE

[SOUND OF CAR CRASH]

FUCK
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

------------------------------------------------

five bucksx please

nother tranny fux

2005-05-02T03:58:00.000-07:00

had this guy al goes by ala now, irish dude pretty rogh from workin long years on the docks. kinda like keitel with a little bristly blonde mullet. stank like hell but hadda a pink dress on plus right ID so we got to it. al was weird insisted on not facing whole time (doggy) + smoked whole time. kinda like fillin up a gas tank this guy. the 80 was on the dresser so I took when I was done he kept there on all four ssmokin didnt' even look up say goodbye

guess you meet some freaks in this business huh.

first tranny fux

2005-04-27T00:18:00.000-07:00

had first tranny fux w/bill this guy. didn't read the brochure but I guess they have them make sure the joe (me) follows allthe points init and goes real step by step.

you gotta go pretty slow and + got a safety word which means you gotta pull which is part of the deal I guess but we din't have to do that.

anyhow got eighty bucks + bill sold me his zippo cause he says it reminded him of the old life, nice fuckin gold little unit with Nevada stamped on the side

tranny fux

2005-04-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

this gonna be a nice one

gotta gig go down and go in this room with a tranny, I guess we talk fir a minute and I get a dental dam but also they give me five rubbers

That is a lot of rubbers wtf

the tranny is not supposed to have skin contact yet the stitches could get wonky

on side dial

2005-04-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

so naturally you go into busines with aguy you expecthe's gonna flake out onnyou and fuck it up. speically when th etransaction in question is joints. rays lookin to hump it outta our joint line even though I got some machinery workin real sweet to make the final product. can see it a mile, he's havin his halfspine issues. Takes somethin besides what he has to make it in this scene. he aint interested in the 5am icings or bulletprooflessness in general.

proly get him to give me the machinery for a song or less and get my own sit goin in the back shed at our place. no one usin the back shed much figure I can set up a coleman and see myh way to vitcory

car smoke soon smoke

2005-03-30T00:28:00.000-08:00

ray gotta machine we gonna cock it up to roll joints, should coin us up in real rolls. maybe ain't gotta settle for some stinky '83 Jimmy, maybe gonna fork it over for an '89 wrangler or International. ain't a big fan of new cars, like to wrench thatshit myself. don't trust any ride gotta be hooke dup to a computer for a checkup. 99% of most new car tech is bullshit sales stuff, any old slant-six dart runs better thanna ML mercedes doo-whop dogbag fuckit

fuckin smoker needs a car

2005-03-08T04:26:00.000-08:00

so a whilenow I been busin at The Old Gate this jerked up white linne joint gougin' over thirty bucks a plate for dainty continenetal shit filet mginon dover sole steak diane veal oscar etc baby carrot, bullshit. cool dope is the xtian who runs the joint is the only moral man in the biz aand keeps a real stiff tip tally and book, makin sure none of his staff lies on underreporting tips, so I get a pretty good share 'a that shit and can sock away a buck now an then. got to thinkin and realized its been a while since this old burn had a car sop I'm gonna put a few away for some wheels. thinkin probably can get an old Jimmy 4x4 under around eigh thundo an finally hook up that cb/scanner unit I traded jose for.

fukcin a

2005-02-21T03:26:00.000-08:00

so all the porn biz jizz moved otuta town or died while i was away an fuck 'em besides. plus i ain't got any infomratni on scotch for ray swe aint' gonna do that either. back to the old same ol kitchen grind. got a line of joints over on delaware i ain't pssed off yet an don't know me . i'll sell the gonzo cams and title license s and get a bankroll to go on. fuck'em anyways

shit got to run HST just lit his own cigar ands wer' sognna fire a few off in the woods innis honor. etc

fuck you on a lovely quiet whatever

fffffffffffd rays

2005-01-28T04:13:00.000-08:00

f'in todd the cock boosted my smoeks an I gotta run to the corner f I was gonna say wht I did in scotland too but guess it gotta wait ws. alright and f/ing cold so [[[[[[[^D

Carefully ensconced elsewhere.

2005-01-16T13:58:00.000-08:00

It has been a month precisely since my last update here. Slow was my progress at the school, and you would not have been entertained to read about it. When I tell you now that I am writing from a small Internet café beneath the Edinburgh airport you will know that I have waged a successful campaign against the wall of cold women who would have kept me under lock and key until the end of my useful days.

As you are aware I had taken the tactic of gradually adjusting the morale of the school populace by serving them ever-more pleasurable foods. This had been going along quite well. The staggered addition of spices and textures flew entirely under the radar of those involved, as I have noted before, and warmed their disposition towards myself. It was eventually arranged that I should cater the headmistress's New Year's luncheon, which meant a long drive out into the countryside with a great deal of food and equipment.

The day of the picnic I lined the bottoms of the baskets with chefs' jackets, towels, and matches. Atop that I placed the many breads, pies, roasted meats, and moulded salads which comprised their meal. Hidden in a screw-top cruet of dressing was a promising volume of cooking marsala, which I thought might provide a bit of joint-warmth later in the game. For good measure a few sandwiches of potted meat lined the interiors.

The caravan of vehicles took us out God only knows where in the countryside, far into the outermost reaches of Mother Nature's supply of wind-whipped heather. It was miles from the nearest edifice. This suited me fine.

Atop a green hillock we alit from the cars and set up camp. Matches were applied to the chafing fuels, carving knives were laid out. Trays of spoons garnished long white tables of nourishment and I generally set about work. A few tins of the Sterno gel fell unnoticed into my apron.

After an educational tour of the local worm-bearing earth the headmistress and her cronies, a beaky bunch, were satisfied that all of nature had been warned of their presence, and they fell to the buffet. They are a slow group to consume, every last one mindful of her napkin and the daub it might remove should haste direct consumption. I held steady post throughout, carving ham with a wonderful smile.

The meal passed a simple success and I was thanked many times over. While our catering crew toiled at breaking down camp and departing, I casually asked two different service staffs if I might ride back with them, space abiding, thus making no particular group responsible for me. One would assume I had gotten a ride from the other, if I did not show up for last call.

All the while I had placed fuel, clothing, food and other tools in an indentation hidden in the area designated as the servants' latrine. When the caravan of vehicles left without me, I waited a few minutes and set about my business. It was cold out, and the weather clement, and I needed to distance myself from the venue. My package of valuables fit into a nice shoulder sack and soon I had come across a property which spared me an unlocked ten-speed.

Not much thereafter I had made my way to the airport. I traded the bulk of the survival gear and food to the local pisspots, and my plane's boarding in twenty minutes. I've got about two hundred bucks earmarked for Jack and Coke, let's see if I can blow it by SF. Kinda like Brewster's Millions, but the idea is to reach oblivion and the local ground crew is gonna need a shovel and an ambulance if I do.

A Careful Progress.

2004-12-14T14:59:00.000-08:00

In the last update I mentioned the details of how I had vibrantly flavored the girls' egg salad sandwiches, how they had responded in kind, and how this had failed to register on the yard duties. My inspiration to heighten the excitement of their food grew, and in recent experiments I took bolder steps. Mrs. Weems remained magisterially unaware of my subterfuge.

Today the lunch was to be mushy peas, mushed potato, and skin-on steamed haddock—a Draconian measure of protein and vegetable. Thinking as a fry cook, I whipped the peas and potato with butter and salt, and griddled them into crisp latkes. The dubious fish was on another gurney entirely. I rested it in buttermilk for an hour, battered it, and fried it up crisp. Deep-frying has a palliative effect upon white fish. I then created a vinegary brown gravy for the potatoes. The faculty, far from angering over this deviation from their planned menu, in fact seemed transported to a place and time outside of the school gates as they tucked into the golden chip-shop food. I noticed that a covey of them, seated together at the head table, actually let loose with a girlish giggle or two. To my knowledge this had not happened before.

Flavorful Sandwiches.

2004-12-11T14:58:00.000-08:00

The girls were receptive to the new seasonings I put in the egg salad sandwiches. Once they were served I could detect a heightened level of good cheer and noise in general in the cafeteria. I felt a minor amount of tension as the girls' chatter began to rise, but upon observing the yard duties' standard blank expressions I surmised that the event had gone unnoticed by virtually everyone. Perhaps my anxiety was unnecessary. Tested by trial this one time, I will be more calm and more bold the next time, comfortable in the knowledge that the perpetually leaden mood which hangs over this place can endure my carefully meted reconnaissances.

A position in the kitchen.

2004-12-05T14:33:00.000-08:00

Through steady conversation and good behavior I have secured a position as a cook's assistant in the school's kitchen. I was able to convince them of my experience working in kitchens in the past. The head cook, I will not call her a chef, is Mrs. Weems. She is simply a person who knows basic technique and quantity operations, not truly a chef. Her cooking is utilitarian and reminds me of the other machines in the kitchen. She does her job just as the blender and the spigot do.

Today for lunch we prepared one hundred and fifty boneless, skinless chicken breasts, one hundred and fifty servings of white rice, peas, and soda bread. It was a joyless meal designed to inure the mind. Slowly, carefully, I began to consider the economy of flavor. While we cooked I looked at the large plastic containers of ground spices and imagined the excitement they would bring to the dining hall if used. These containers sat with dust upon them. They had apparently never been used. I kept my head down and and did the work that Mrs. Weems required of me.

Later this week there is a lunch of egg salad sandwiches. I will include onion and garlic powder in the mix of mayonnaise and chopped egg. These ingredients are invisible yet quite flavorful.

I experienced a minor setback.

2004-11-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my last entry I had acquired some tools. They were to be handy when I attempted to pick the lock of my room during the noisy parts of The Black Stallion. I had intended to escape during the film, when the staff's attention was otherwise diverted.

I had not noticed that the interior keyhole of my door lock was filled with solder. Tools were of no use against this. Today during tea time I carefully returned the tool to the nurse's bag, yet I hid the paperclip by weaving it into the elastic band of my underpants.

They do not celebrate Thanksgiving in Scotland and so the meal was plain. White bread was pressed into cupcake tins and filled with a mixture of chipped beef, mushroom gravy, and peas. This was then baked until the bread toasted. The beverage served was milk.

If I am not mistaken, I detected the reminiscence of extremely cheap cooking sherry in the gravy.

A minor theft.

2004-11-23T10:18:00.000-08:00

During this afternoon's tea the nurse dozed off and while the girls were chit-chatting I looked inside her knitting bag. There were several small instruments, some of a very thin thickness. I took only one piece. It reminded me of a tensioner from an old lock-picking kit I keep at home. Later on the way back to my room I found a paperclip someone had stuck to the cord which pulls the bathroom shades. I put this in my pocket.

Tonight is films night. The film to be shown is The Black Stallion, a film that is very noisy towards the end. It starts at 8pm and is 118 minutes long.

Pizza at tea.

2004-11-22T10:18:00.000-08:00

At tea in the common room we normally share sandwiches and hot Twinings. Today we enjoyed pizza, one slice per person. My slice had seven pieces of mushroom, three of sausage, and approximately eleven of green onion. There were less than twenty flecks of red pepper. There was a casual silence in the room as we enjoyed our tea and pizza snack. The nurse kept a quiet head down, as I think she is used to this routine. She looked through her purse and ultimately pulled out a compact, some knitting, and a bottle of water. I have remembered this.

I am locked in a girl's school.

2004-11-20T08:16:00.000-08:00

I am locked in a girl's school outside of Edinburgh. I was found unconscious in a garden on their grounds and they have taken it upon themselves to care for me. Caring for me apparently means a strict broth diet and lots of bed rest in a locked room, with a walk conducted at noon and five each day. Have not had a drink in four days. Given Internet privileges supervised by the nurse. This is not helping my research into the production of Scotch Whisky. I have read many volumes in the Bonnie Branigan Sisters Mystery Series though. They are pretty quick reads and everything comes together cleanly at the end. They almost never distill Scotch Whisky, though, as I mentioned.

glenladdie tour says 2 ingreds to scotch

2004-11-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

barly, water

malted barley, that pt is improtant.

when its malted it has grown a bit like the seed has grown init.

this ssoes domthin with the suagars to make t flavor

got th basic idea down now jus need balriy + water malt it firsrt

grins from the cowgate

2004-11-12T02:31:00.000-08:00

or whatever they call it, bleh

scotland cooks top pigs and i'm learnin a lot hah hey ray

this broad in the cowgate was on a bachelorette party and pukin up her guts outsite the Fucked Nickel or some other name of pub. vivid

met a cop

more in twenty four you heavy poops

whisky

2004-11-02T23:25:00.000-08:00

ray gotta big imported copper still + supplies and some books on makin whisky + bought me a 1st class ticket to Scotland for research holy mother of leather it's like I just fell in a pool of sex

dumped the pumpies and locked up the cams, see you plugs in a while, later.

where the f is my money

2004-10-27T01:44:00.000-07:00

wft dammit I shoulda kept closer books on the loot, here I was all this time filmin and movin titles and I thought I was rackin up bank. turns out I been spendin too much on machine guns and couldnt buy my own teeth for a dime. now I gotta liquidate some of my coll'n and that sux hot.

PRICED TO MOVE - ANTIQUES AND MODERN - CONTACT ME
Mauser Karabiner 98k (Infanteriepatrone 7,9mm)
Maschinengewehr 34
MG 34 Panzerlauf
Carbinieri Garlotta 10,7
Kalashnikovs - all types and mods
M-240G
Paul Revere Smithy blunderbuss - mint - detailed inlay
Misc and mod odds and ends

man what a diff

2004-10-23T03:34:00.000-07:00

steada' the usual pump and grind I shooed the crew away for the weekend, figure they won't forget the breadline before Monday. their basal nervous system will probably crawl them to work on time. went to ray's and then down to e.a. later when the candies faded, man what a diff to be free for a few. been a while since i ain't had tape rolling.

ray's got some new line of yuppie brews goin, pretty good really so I said he oughta start a whiskey, same idea. he was shits to listen so maybe we got somethin. he poked around and thumbframed space for a couple stills + etc so we're gonna make some whiskey.

todd still in krept, see him nxt wk.

FTP

2004-10-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

man fuckin police tried to bust my set pretendin they got a call about a kid bein around. I ain't stupid, I doc all my pumpies, got the records on file with custodian of records myron b wasserman of 1141b N commonwealth ave la ca. you heard it here first you stalkin badges, I know you're followin this. tell myron I said hi.

they did make off with about half the p's tho for holdin smack and outstandin warrants. now I gotta go down and harvest another bunch of dopes from east a. gonna cost me a half day of shootin and probably five titles.

oh well at least i've got the shits from all that coffee + won ton soup

Jimmy crapped in my yard!

2004-10-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

sonofa bitch, took a shot at him + chased him for a few but he was methed and ran like a ghetto cheetah. now there's this pathetic little yellow shit the size of a cig on the front lawn. I ain't goin near the thing so hopefully a dog eats it.

just wrapped vols I-VII of Frankenblumpkin, a nasty thing buyers are into now. we found this one russian guy who can self-blumpkin, kind of insane, so letty put some green makeup on him + bolts on his neck. after the money shot he looks up and goes BLUMPKIN...GOOOOOOD!

pumpies on vac'n

2004-09-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

C gave us alla week off but the thing with a gonzo crew, is that if you disappear for a week they wander off and get in w/somebody else or wind up dead, so I hadda take 'em with me on vacation. took 'em on the nstl to bakersfield and they watched me shoot AR-15, M-16 and a couple russian assault rifles. skyler got lucid for a sec and bitched against "guns" so I gave her a cold dose and she went to sleep under a dumpster. just for shits we shot a couple dozen new titles, pumpies just doin' it on dirt or near a fence. not a lot to look at in bakersfield.

drowned lady

2004-09-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

fuckin jimmy came around the set today lookin for work, meth'd outta his gourd and lookin like a drowned lady. poor suck was only wearin jean cutoffs and flip flops + sweating like a glass. guess times ain't been too good to him since Lyle took the gonzo reins around here. none 'a the pumpies would go near him after he puked into the crook of his arm so I let him do a j/o solo in the pool shed, made gus shoot it w/o tape in the camera. gave the skell five bucks and told him to stay offa my set. hit him with a chair to make the point even though I felt a little sorry for him + didn't really want to. you gotta know how to herd the bottomfeeders.

FF Boy = fuckin fool boy

2004-09-02T01:23:00.000-07:00

F.F. Boy showed up with a spiderbite on his dick and the whole fuckin set shut down like a plague ship. idiot shoulda come to me first now I got to talk all the pumpies back down outta the trees. we're gonna have a meeting tomorrow with FF's dong on an overhead projector along with other spiderbite pics so the pumpies can tell it's not an STD. shenanigan probly cost me twelve titles yesterday.

busy week

2004-08-30T01:37:00.000-07:00

got 258 new titles in distro this week. Salsa Sluts Meet The T.A.C.O. has me starrin as LYLE TACO that's been real popular. Beaner Girls went over like a lead balloon, turns out no one wants to watch girls smearin refried beans on themselves but a handful of germans (they did buy out the first run though). even doin a gourmet series called Cockin' With Julia Piled where the cart has nicer ingredients in the steam table + some wine bottles around + the studs wear monocles. dunno, it don't take a lot to make it in this game. even if it all sucks I'll still make a mint.

wtf in the fridge

2004-08-21T03:55:00.000-07:00

lifted a bunch of food outta the fridge tonite since ain't got the dos pochegos gravytrain anymore + still got to feed the pumpies. found this weird plastic pack of immolated peckers wtf. whoever's eatin prick jerky oughta clean up their act. hadda union jack on it, weird. Thought that was more of a german thing.

I ain't gonna speak at no AVN awards

2004-08-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

thanks for the invite but screw those dupes i got tape to shoot. i ain't gonna sit around givin' some speech even if Cindy St. Plug is gonna be there. that's goin' soft and laurels + I got no time. we're settin' up 3 more gonzo franchises this week and I got methed up dirtbags from as far away as bakersfield hitchin' in. gus is doin' good work with cam#2 and we're gonna put another 53 titles in distro monday.

oh yeah i guess i informally quit dos pochegos by not going there + working anymore

golden bear

2004-08-16T00:45:00.000-07:00

good shoot today + I seem to be a natural at this stuff. Tim + Jon pumped some gay on the swingset + Gus got a tight money shot on our new cam. Cammie called some friends Troy & Marc + I just put the lens on the button and they did their thing and the check wrote itself. awesome

pulled

2004-08-11T02:31:00.000-07:00

ain't too hard pullin' shifts at dos pochegos + the gonzo it turns out. I'm gonna take next paycheck and get a couple cameras of my own + teodor's gonna design the labels for the dvds + website. fuck jimmy that no talent guido I'm gonna run his ass outta town. the crew'll stick w/me cause of the free food + cheap smack from Todd.

dos pochegos openin' up tomorrow

2004-08-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

dos pochegos openin' up again tomorrow so I'm gonna be beat workin' the two jobs. good thing about gonzo though is they just film whenever. today we did SaniSluts 11, maybe at lunchtime. were pretty spent but Jimmy brewed some Folgers + we got through an SS12 and SS13 and started on SS14 but by that time the money shots were just spare change and sweat so Jimmy called it. dude could get a lot more footage if he just coked us, shot an hour of pumping + framed the money shots without context so he could reuse 'em (plus get an extra camera for multiple angles of no-context money shots, gettin' even more from less). sometimes I gotta wonder about that guy.

SaniSluts 8

2004-08-06T18:25:00.000-07:00

man we're already up to ss8 + I'm bankin' good loot. got a leather robe I wear on the set now, back has silver spikes spell out LYLE TACO my porn name. ain't the best but not like it matters. tonight one of the broads OD'd + puked up tapioca type crap all over the cart counter, no one wanted to eat after that + that cost me fifty in catering. shoot went well though + Jimmy (gonzo gary) said we'd shoot again tomorrow.

gonna head to ray's

man whatta shoot

2004-08-05T15:35:00.000-07:00

so took the cart over to eastside last night for that gonzo shoot + this didn't happen last time but they had me act in the video. guess that's what gonzo's all about. pretty righteous though the broads were tweaked. the bottom one had an eye that kept twitching the whole time even after the shoot. made three hundo for the cart rental plus fifty for dinner plus a cool hundo for the bang.

kitchen fire

2004-08-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

awesome kitchen fire at dos pochegos, guess the renovation contractors didn't put the salamander in right cause it set the wall on fire halfway through the dinner slam. made off with a handle of chablis in the hubbub. now i gotta get the cart over to eastside for another gonzo shoot, another three hundred easy.

stupid todd

2004-08-01T12:59:00.000-07:00

found todd passed out under a box in the kitchen wtf. said he didn't know how long he was in there b/c no windows + thats why he wasn't at sports last night. got a huge gut ache from too much pemmican tender, gonna go sick it up outside.

what the hell blogger

2004-07-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

man this website just published my last post like fifty times + I hadda delete all the extras one by one, friggin' sucked.

also sucking: Ray's party is all fancy tonight with a dance band + dancing lessons wtf. todd says theres even a fuckin dude in fronta the wine so you can't help yourself, guess we'll go down to sports. ain't workin this weekend cause of renovations at dos pochegos so maybe we'll go campin. got some scratch in my pkt and it feels good.

ha piffed

2004-07-29T01:39:00.002-07:00

nailed down at sports again w todd but upstairs to damians no one around + wound up at taco bell

the local ws trollin his skank + rolled him for fifty cause he disd me for hittin the hanky panky + sucker is weak on the draw

left the skank to clean his nose with the alkywipes and dn touch the merchandise

pantsmagic

2004-07-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

christ I was halfway through a shift at dos pochegos just same old salmon then outta nowhere my pants fell down WTF

the carrot and celery guys got a few vegs into em before I could pull em up again so i had some cold roots keepin company. eh ha + ha ha etc. anyhow glad the fucken night's over and I got a cool BL rack to crack on the way home plus a paper skin of situation. ain't gotta be nobody's nowhere til 11 tomorrow so me and todd are gonna go ice blockin down at seven pines.

gonzo sexcart

2004-07-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

ha ha so ray gave up on his sanitaco cart + took off so I took some bucks off gonzo gary + let him film some kink usin the countertops and the sour cream ladle. he says the cart's havin its 15 minutes so I got to max out its exposure, handed me a card of one of his producer buddies + told me to give him a call. long one short I got another porn crew comin over tomorrow to film "SaniSluts 2: Enter The Taco." think I'm gonna clear 300 bucks for that one but I got a sweet angle, I'm gonna provide catering for another 200! this cart is a goldmine

mario got fd

2004-07-23T03:31:00.000-07:00

had mario one of the preps come out with me + todd tonight and he w't up to it, capped after two beers acting stupid + we ditched him at sports. Burn it we climbed up to damian's place upstairs at the sequoia + took some VSOgutrot with a toothless d knew who made us pay a quarter per sip but after a few she was dead down and we made with the slow. pitchbored after some crap at her neighbors fighting with some backpack and came home type type

blank checkbook!

2004-07-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

so ray steps in and thinks he's gonna play the food service game for a while starting with my taco stand. he changed my basic idea around so that pissed me off but then he slaps this blank checkbook down + goes "do the right thing." little while later he shows up with these white embroidered shirts that say SaniTaco!™ and have this taco sitting in a bathtub combing its hair. I cut the embroidered part out of one of 'em and made a little SaniTaco! cape for Todd and the little sucker already got the thing pretty filthy, guess he found this used tin of jiffy pop and rolled around in the grease for a while the dude stinks like butter now

spit hooch emperor

2004-07-18T02:36:00.000-07:00

damn I got the jetsam cmin outta my ears now with this pitcher gig! I got 24 pitchers stashed in every corner at dos pochegos and they all go for full maybe half hour intot he shift. How do these stupid customers thorw so much booze awaya/!?

gonna maybe instead of taco truck open up a bar with all this fack smooch

taco truck

2004-07-16T00:11:00.000-07:00

damn, brought three tupperware pitchers today + hid them in the potted flower alcove b/t the dining room and kitchen, dropped margaritas into one, beers into one, wine/sangria into one. Had all three topped off by 9pm with an hour and a half left to go. tomorrow's friday so huge turns and I'm gonna stash all kinds more pitchers around the place. figure I get enough booze goin can open one of those taco stands or whatever, esp if the cooks keep loading me down with the rice/bean/tortilla/chip leftovers ever night. boss even gave me four dozen eggs just a day past their prime since health dept was coming later. Work breakfast stand 7am-11:30 outside the EBM loading dock, then cut over to Dos Pochegos for lunch/dinner shifts and more beans/rice/etc.

Yeah it was his 02 sensor

2004-07-15T03:07:00.000-07:00

Just needed some wipin' off, carbon, runnin fine again. whoever installed that AC DELCO aftermarket efi rig on that mill put the 02 sensor too far down the exhaust line, exhaust cools off by the time it gets there and just cakes the thing. gonna weld it in up closer to the block tomorrow.

mango margaritas

2004-07-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

today thinkin ahead I brought some ziploc bags for the beans + rice etc but also a tupperware pitcher for the leftover drinks the cstmrs. leave. now i got me thinkin i got to bring a couple diff't pitchers one for beer one for margaritas one for sangria etc. surprised no ones thought of this, guess lots of the dudes in the kitchen are religious. Pretty nice crew generally workin fast with the head down, tattoos of a name on the forearm etc. So now Todd + I are gonna start a fire out in the yard and drink this ptcher of mango margaritas i collected + figure out why his van ain't idling it just dies. Prob the 02 sensor again.

nice beans

2004-07-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

what I like about workin a mexican joint is all the free vittles they dump on you at end of night. came home with 5lbs of chips and a quart each beans and rice. had to put it all together in a garbage bag tho cause I didn't bring a container, tomorrow tho. dumped about 18 lipsticked half-margaritas in the old face (who pays seven bucks for half a drink) and smiled like a jesus

oh plus bear is all jerked up cause i took one 'a his white collared shirts outta the laundry. apparently it was a hundred and fifty bucks custom made. felt kinda nice for a shirt, got to admit. got salsa all down the fronta it + tore the sleeve on the dumpster so when he saw me wearin it in the kitchen he was flat pissed. Looked like he was wearin a three hundred dollar new hat though so I let it slide.

new mexican place workin out alright

2004-07-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

i hadda go by the thrift depot fora white collared shirt + got a not too bad one for a buck, it's got a computer company logo sewn on the chest. new boss says I gotta get one without a computer company logo and I'm like "but it's a MEXICAN computer company" and he goes no it ain't and I go "Cisco sounds pretty damn mexican to me" I even said it sees-co. he didn't buy it so

fuck man, i gotta spend another buck on another shirt. I can't be droppin all my samoleans on funeral duds. anyhow he followed me around as I was pourin water for dips + picking up dropped forks etc. Front ofhte house is kind of a drag it turns out but I got a better view a the tip purse + can sneak a buck here and there off the tables besides. oh plus first dibs on leftover margaritas + brew

adios stan the man

2004-07-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

stan's got a good way with the skirts, he had one under each arm at sports tonight,. a coupla dumps but stan don't care. I hada few with a fella runs a mexican joint + needs a busboy so it's a big leg up for lyle in the world, i gotta stop by there before lunch tomorrow for the runthrough. i'm burnin' in early tonight therefore and so on and stan caught the 58 back to reno. broke my pinky on corner of a table

stan's in

2004-07-10T02:41:00.000-07:00

hah i forgot how stan can really push it in, we did the blood right with boilermakers and pbr down at sports and hit scottish petes up for some salty + potatoes. then we get home and some reason there's six dry bowls of cereal out on the table, so we dump the cereal and take the whites out for skeet but only it's skeet where you throw one bowl at the bowl you just threw up in the air. that don't last too long aso stan dont' know his way aroudn so well and he breaks a neighbor's window and we kill the lights. we're gonna put a puff on and fade so ciao donkeys see you unless dead.

cousin in town

2004-07-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

crap did I really bang it up last night after julio fired me + I kicked his ass + stabbed him with his keys. think it was a 12 of steel reserve adnd some jagers. Had a hard time wakin' up today and sent todd to mix me a Piss-Hot Curtis, our secret concoction of red bull, worster sauce, bourbon and salt. not too soon either cause then my cousin Stan called + said he was headin into town. so we're gonna rail around underground tonite since i ain't got to work and he usually has some flush cash cause he works construction.

crappy sony sport radio

2004-07-09T04:04:00.000-07:00

took this little sports radio outta julio's office tonite, plastic yellow SONY SPORTS kind that plays tapes and don't let water in etc. perfect for my station cause of all the spray + etc. So he comes out and sees me with it plugged in, he starts playin' a delicious hand and goes Lyle can we have a talk and motions we oughta talk outside of the building. So I'm pretty ready for him with a hand or 2 in my pockets and when he gives me the not workin' out bit I give it to him real memorable, two or five across the face and bloody lips. Sixty sad bucks outta his wallet and to put the piss on it I take his cards. Then I take that key for his new Mustang and stick it into his arm, like a needle. He pisses like a baby and there you go Julio, I guess I shouldn't come in for work tomorrow. VROOOOM alright I got a nice skin of it outta my locker and piss all over town. Now in six mins. Todd's over with a few #2 adn some more.

crap

2004-07-08T14:28:00.000-07:00

gotta b at work in 2 mins but can barely keep eyes open

bender heard round the world hello and good morning shit bettter take asnake of the bad stuff and a cuppa strong black

julio btr stay in hs office today hope Lou notices and hits my slack to cover for a brohter.

late for work again

2004-07-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

but not by much, just 10 mins or so. what's he expect from his sculler, it ain't like he can't do my work if i ain't around. do him some good to get his hands dirty, stead of farting around chatting up the bluehairs that think his canneloni and minestrone are good going out food. That place is a dump and a joke with parmesan and pepper on top.

me + todd cooked up a good Best Tuesday on high life 32s and acid, was a pretty long night. everytime i see a shadow I still have a problem with it (a man is in the shadow, but he's not there etc) so i'll be dodgy in the soup again tnoite.

damn late for work

2004-07-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

I was pluggin around on bangedup.com and lost track of time, crap I got to be at work in six minutes. Oh well, screw Julio I'm gonna be late. I don't answer to him, I'm gonna walk in smokin' and he's gonna sulk into his office cause he knows I'll kick his ass, he won't show his head in the kitchen until I'm halfway through the lunch mess that the lunchtime guy can't handle. Give me any guff and I'll give it back to that lipstick red mustang he just bought, probably with the scoop he's been taking off my tip share. + screw Julio

Man whatta fuck

2004-07-05T23:14:00.000-07:00

Arnie's punched the price of a fifh of jd up to 18, which is a total rob so i'm gonna kick it down at jb for a while until I can lift mikey's tip troll outta his locker on wednesday (mikey's the retard who washes the stemware and other non-Hobarts down at Julio's + never reset his locker code). awesome also fuck arnie

woke up on a burn

2004-07-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

had so many rum and cokes last night i couldn't sleep so wide awake still buzzed I went round the swingset and kicked at todd's place all morning. ran out of the old coffin nails + had to steal teodor's pack from the garage so sorrysucker

me and todd had some luck fixin the string pull on this old briggs + stratton which is a pretty nice machine + I think we're gonna turn it around for forty bucks, pretty good since I just lifted it off the sidewalk one night abandoned & all. that'll put us in the flush for a bit cool cause I think that fuck dirtbag Julio's been stiffing us on the tip pool lately I can tell. maybe next time he comes back light in his little black capezios i'm gonna hurl a nice brass one at his head and knock his ponytail back to cuba

pised on side of house

2004-07-02T03:14:00.000-07:00

apparently no one notices when you do this even though it is loud. or they're scared to say something cause who wants to deal with a pssin' guy. hah. here's a tip for you all, don't bother a guy who's so drunk he's pissin' on your house! you ain't gonna change that dude's mind.

hahahahahaahhahah

2004-07-02T01:38:00.001-07:00

hahahahahhahahahhaa foudn some new rum in the house today kidn of cloudyb utok 84proof

fuck you

2004-07-02T01:38:00.000-07:00

fuck you